Super Mommy

Okay, here's the deal in a nut shell...I woke up at like 4:30 this morning. I used the bathroom and then tossed and turned until 6AM. Finally, I decided that I'd just get up and make pancakes. This was a very good idea, because the children would be very upset with me about not having went out and bought milk yesterday. So, Pancakes would be a lovely distraction as long as they weren't so dry they required milk to be washed down. I am a good cook, when I apply myself (as with everything else in my life), so this was not an issue.

Well, it figures, that I make them a nice pancake breakfast, and everyone sleeps in. It is a very rare occasion my daughter (if she doesn't start out in my bed) doesn't end up in my bed, with her feet in my gut by 3AM. She slept the whole night in her own bed last night...Hmmm, maybe I should stop complaining, but no...She usually wakes up my oldest boy on her way to my room, as he is sleeping on the couch while I renovate his brothers room. My youngest boy isn't sleeping on the couch, not because he can't be trusted, but well, let's not tempt fate.

Anyhow, even the dog barking at the paperboy didn't wake anyone, very peculiar.

The big deal is...I am and have been totally depressed for weeks. I have been spending my mornings in bed. I'll roll out around 11AM or so, take a shower, mess around on the computer, then immerse myself in FOX News until 5PM, and then make dinner. After dinner, I demand baths and cleaning up, and then it's bedtime in no time at all.

My daughter has been having bigger (she always had an issue) with bedtime, and sometimes does not got to bed until midnight. I really try to get her to sleep in her own bed, but with my dh gone I really need to pick my battles carefully, so I cave. YES, I CAVE!!!! All the time...

Okay, so back to this morning, I'm up at the butt crack of dawn, playing good mommy. The kids usually prepare their own breakfast, they go through half a box of cereal or a bag of frozen waffles a day, depending on whether we have milk or not. My daughter digs waffles and will eat them all day long, and actually has on days I don't drag my ass out of bed until 1 or 2PM.

So, it's when I have relatively good days like today (so far), when I really see what a bad parent I am. But am I really? My children are well fed, they eat more than cereal, waffles, and the occasional pancake breakfast. My children for the most part are clean, except when my daughter writes on herself with marker, or the maple syrup on her leg dries before I can get to it. I must admit I am very lucky my children aren't interested in matches, or I would not have the luxury of slowly preparing to face my day like I have now.

Believe me, I do know how lucky I am. And, I can only hope I don't crash and burn early this afternoon, because I would really like to be just a little bit manic for a few weeks than very depressed. It would be a nice change.